The trauma and nervous system information on this site and in the Not Easily Broken book series is for education and support only. I am not a licensed therapist counselor or medical professional and nothing here should be taken as diagnosis treatment or medical advice. These resources are meant to give you language for your experiences and to sit beside the work you may choose to do with a licensed professional. If you are struggling with your mental health or trauma symptoms please reach out to a qualified therapist doctor or crisis hotline in your area. If you are in immediate danger or thinking about harming yourself or someone else contact your local emergency number right away.
You are not crazy. Many of the things you blame on attitude or weakness are actually your nervous system trying to protect you after trauma.
What trauma really is
Trauma is not just what happened.
Trauma is what happened plus how alone and unsafe you felt during and after it.
Your body remembers even when your mind tries to forget.
Sometimes trauma looks like
• Staying in situations that hurt you because leaving feels more dangerous
• Shutting down during arguments and going blank
• Over explaining yourself so no one gets mad
• Feeling on edge even when nothing is wrong
Survival responses
Your body has four main ways it tries to keep you safe. They are survival responses not personality flaws.
Fight
Your body wants to protect you by pushing back.
You may raise your voice argue slam doors or feel a rush of anger when you feel disrespected or trapped.
Flight
Your body wants to run from danger.
You may leave the room block numbers stay busy nonstop or always find a reason to never be still.
Freeze
Your body does not know if it should fight or run so it shuts down.
You may go silent feel numb stare at one spot or agree to things you do not really want just to get through the moment.
Fawn
Your body tries to stay safe by pleasing people.
You may over apologize quickly say it is fine when it is not and work hard to keep everyone else calm even when you are hurting.
None of these mean you are broken. They mean your body learned how to survive.
Trauma bonds and soul ties in everyday life
A trauma bond can feel like
• You know a person is hurting you but you feel pulled back again and again
• You feel high when things are good and sick when things are bad
• You feel responsible for their moods and reactions
A healthy bond feels different
• You can say no and you are still respected
• Disagreements happen but you do not feel afraid
• You feel more like yourself not less
A soul tie can be a deep emotional and spiritual connection. It can come from love sex shared pain or shared purpose. Some soul ties are healthy. Some keep you tied to people who are not safe. Your nervous system often knows the difference before your mind is ready to admit it.
How your nervous system talks to you
Signs you may be in survival mode
• Tight jaw racing thoughts shallow breathing
• Knot in your stomach when a certain name pops up on your phone
• Walking on eggshells around someone
• Feeling tired but wired at the same time
Signs you are moving toward safety
• Slower deeper breathing
• Being able to notice your feelings without judging them
• Feeling safe enough to rest and laugh
• Making choices based on peace instead of fear
Gentle reminder
This page is here to give you language for what you have lived through. It is not a diagnosis and it does not replace therapy or medical care. If you recognize yourself in these patterns and you feel ready consider working with a trauma informed therapist or support group along with the Not Easily Broken workbooks. Your body is not your enemy. It has been trying to keep you alive. Now you are allowed to teach it what safety feels like.
Trauma resources
You are not meant to carry this alone. These resources can be a starting point to find support for trauma grief and abuse. Please check what is available in your city state or country.
If you are in the United States
• National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call 1 800 799 7233 or use online chat at thehotline dot org for confidential support safety planning and referrals
• National Sexual Assault Hotline RAINN
Call 1 800 656 4673 or visit rainn dot org for crisis support and local resources
• Suicide and crisis support
Call or text 988 in the United States for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are in emotional distress or thinking about self harm
• Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor by text
Finding a trauma informed therapist
Search terms you can use online
Trauma informed therapist
EMDR therapist
Domestic violence counselor
Culturally responsive or faith inclusive therapy if that matters to you
Look for helpers who mention
Trauma PTSD complex trauma domestic violence narcissistic abuse grief or nervous system work in their profiles
Books and education
You may wish to look for books and resources on
• Trauma and the body
• Healing after domestic violence and narcissistic abuse
• Inner child work and nervous system regulation
Gentle reminder
These trauma resources are offered as education and support not as professional advice. I am not a licensed therapist counselor or doctor. If you are in immediate danger or feel you might hurt yourself or someone else please contact your local emergency number right away.